Alone on Earth – Entry #47

January 01, 2017


06:52AM
Dear Diary

I brought in the year 2017 by feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself is just what the Blackness wants from me. Feeling sorry for myself makes me less of a threat to accomplish whatever there is to do at the end of Hwy 90. And I have no sure fire way of knowing there even is something at the end of Hwy 90. There was no dream, no written tablets of stone to guide me as to what to expect. Nothing of that nature. I just know I am supposed to continue onward to my destiny. I really am still quite distraught over my performance in the town hall yesterday. I am as low in my self-confidence level as I ever have been in my life. I still don't know why I have been chosen out of the billions and billions of people that were on this earth. Of all the people destined to fight this battle, why me? Why not some great religious leader or someone who is at the church doors when they open and the last one to leave three times a week? Why me? What did I ever do to be entrusted to perform this feat, this fight to the finish against a foe of which I am simply no match? I am old, I am sickly and getting feeble minded as the years roll on by. Why someone 65 years of age who is in the dawn of his life? It doesn't make an ounce of sense to me, diary. I suppose I will never figure it out. I do believe the Blackness is about to become more bold. What that will be, I don't have a clue. I simply have no defense to stop the Blackness from killing me. It's now or never for God to step in to answer my pleas for help. I don't even feel like eating breakfast this morning. I have to keep looking for something to repair this front tire on the Honda Gold Wing. At least it isn't snowing any longer. It was a light snow. But, I'm going to have to be careful. I can't afford to slip and reinjure this knee.

09:17AM
Dear Diary

I have walked to the police station which is adjacent to the town hall where I met my nemesis, the Blackness, yesterday. I don't want to go in that police station. But, I feel I must...I am being literally pushed into the breech once again. Maybe this will be the end of me. I'm going to go in the police station now. What will happen, will happen.

10:01AM
Dear Diary

I walked into the police station, went by the front desk and once again, shotguns, handguns, rifle, tear gas canisters are spread all over the floor. It's been like this at every police station I have visited since The Event. It's hard to figure if this was to protect the people of the town....or protect the police from the people of the town. Strange....but I was not scared at all today. I looked into the various offices, found paperwork strewn all over.....and then heard the all too familiar snickering laugh. I trembled at this a couple of times. But, I made the decision that if I was going to die, I would die as a man and not a sniveling coward. Once again, footsteps coming in my direction from the dark, very dark end of a hallway. I decided no matter what happens, no matter how fearful it may be, I would not run from the Blackness this time. The footsteps came toward me until I could tell that a form was taking shape when the unexpected happened.....a warm, comforting blue light.....it was coming in waves behind me and went down the hall. It felt like I was in the warm waters of the beach in Pensacola. It continued on and on toward the end of the hallway. I felt invigorated......I felt like a young man with this blue light all around. I never felt so alive and thankful......but the footsteps I heard were now RUNNING away from me and then disappeared. I remember this same warm blue light the night of the yellow eyes that surrounded me in that vehicle after I left that home in Slidell. It was that same kind of blue light. Still.....the blue light washed over me.....loving me and lingering as if it did not want to part from me. And then it was gone. I dropped to my knees....and I cried. I cried this time, not out of fear. This time I cried out of thankfulness. I remember what Mama always said, “God is faithful.....He will not forget you. Even if you forget Him, He will remember you.” Like so many other things I discovered after she passed away, Mama was right about that. I have an overwhelming sense of relief right now. From going from such a low of despair to a high of elation now.....it's all just confusing to me.

11:36AM
Dear Diary

I went back into a supermarket I visited yesterday to get more canned goods and to look for fixaflat. As I was going by the #1 checkout counter, there were a number of grocery items on the belt that rolled up to the checkout reader. I noticed a large can of fixaflat on that belt. I walked right by this yesterday and didn't see it. Or maybe it wasn't here yesterday. I'm going to eat and then get on the road. I am worried about the snow. But, maybe it won't be so bad.

1:10PM
Dear Diary

I am leaving Lake Charles at this hour. I don't normally leave this late in the day. But, I feel I need to be moving on down the road. The front tire is now holding up thanks to the fixaflat. I will continue to look for a replacement for this motorcycle. It is old and I don't know how many more miles it has on it. You know, thinking about what I just wrote.....the same could be said of me. Maybe I will keep it after all. Time to go.

4:30PM
Dear Diary

I have decided to stop in Beaumont, Texas for the night. The weather is getting colder, the wind is getting too strong for me to ride this bike around all the abandoned cars and trucks on the Interstate and Hwy 90. Normally, this is only an hour drive from Lake Charles. But, it took just over two hours for me to get here due to the cars and inclement weather. I found a house just off Hwy 90 with a fireplace. It even has firewood on the front porch. Maybe things are starting to look up for me. I am still feeling the after effects of that blue light. I'm not sure what to make of that. I just know that not everything is as it seems in this world. The blue light was comforting. But, I'm not ready to say it was of God. Maybe it was. I'm becoming far too cynical. I'm going to eat and then rest.

10:17PM
Dear Diary

I have this fireplace roaring and the heat is just so very welcomed. This is the best fireplace of any home I have had the privilege of staying.....well, except for my home back in Axis. I miss my home.....but the Blackness ensured that my home was not what it once was by the desecrating it with “The Day is Near” in every space available inside and outside the house. I wish I was back at the Anderson home, listening for Ralph. It's strange....at times I can hear Ralph barking, which I know is impossible and my imagination. But, sometimes, I will call to him.....and he answers to me with that familiar, single “WOOF” to acknowledge me. I know it is my imagination. But, just sometimes, sometimes I wonder. The wine is good tonight. Maybe I have had too much. I could almost enjoy myself here......live the remainder of my life in this warm, cozy home on Hwy 90. This home was well maintained. It is old, maybe 50-60 years old. But, it is well built and it has withstood all the Texas winters of many years. Unlike Slidell, this house has many canned items I need. It even has bottled water of which I was needing.

Tomorrow if at all possible, I will continue my journey west. I feel my time is growing short. No, diary, I can offer no explanation as to why I feel that way. I just know that I have to continue onward to the conclusion of this battle. I know tonight that the Blackness has experienced fear for the first time. For the first time, the Blackness knows my running in fear days are finished. I will not run away again. No matter if the Blackness finally reveals itself to me face to face, I will not yield. I continue to have this sluggish sensation. Most of the time it is when I first wake up in the mornings. But, lately, the sluggish feeling has been hitting me in the afternoon at times, like today. And, I feel a bit weaker for some reason. That is why I have this overwhelming sense to continue and finish this game. I don't know what is going to happen to me when I finally get to the end of Hwy 90 in Van Horn, Texas. I have had this feeling of dread ever since I left Axis to embark on this journey. But, now that I have entered Texas and on the final leg of my journey, I have a sense of calm. I cannot control what will happen. I cannot know what I must do......if anything. The only thing I do know is that I must not show fear again. The Blackness feeds off of fear. I must not feed the beast. Time to sleep.